A year ago I imagined my life completely different from what it is today. I had made plans, things weren’t going to be perfect, but they were gonna be close. It saddens me that things turned out the way they did. I just have to keep moving forward though because things will never be that way again and I don’t want them to be because then we’ll both know how it ends. Is it so much to ask for someone to take the time to listen and see me for who I am to just love me? To do things for me out of that love? Little or big the thought would always count in t he non stop endless love. I fantasize about this kind of love constantly. However I guess since it wont ever happen I should stop huh? I know where my love lies and that person is gone forever. The next adventure awaits me as I realize I might just be meant to always be alone.
I always loved you always have and always will. I don’t know when you stopped. I dont know why you lied, or maybe just couldn’t keep your word. But I did, I took that step back for you, just to see what you’d do. I don’t know if you’d call it betrayal or not but I never stopped. When you did though I had to distract myself for my own good I had to get away. I hated how you made me feel it all hurt. It didn’t matter who it was but for it to be her made it that much worse and that will never change. Don’t worry though darling even though I was mistaken in thinking you were different from the rest…. trust me when I say you’re not the first or the last. This curse holds on to me dear, I’m convinced I’m beyond repair. The lovingly is always lost. However like boats against the current we beat on.
And i don’t know why. Some say it’s love i want to believe that but I guess we will never know.
She will cry. She will cry over you like there is no tomorrow, until her throat is raw and her hair a mess. Her screams will echo through the walls and there will be nothing beautiful about it.
She will tear out the pages of her diary that she dedicated to you and swear your name will never again appear on the crisp pages that are so important to her. But two days later the words won’t come and she’ll find herself scrawling your name over and over until the ink blurs and merges with her tears.
She will curse you and curse herself and curse the skies for everything and nothing. There will be days when the sun shines but all she will see is rain and clouds, and days when she won’t see anything at all.
And fuck. She will love you even though her heart is breaking because she gave you a part of herself that you refuse to return.
But know this, she will also learn to forget you, so when she walks by in two months time, laughing and smiling without a care in the world, you will wonder how she slipped through your fingers, and she won’t care.
Not one single bit.” – Excerpt from a book I’ll never write #29 (via blossomfully)
All I wanted was for someone to love and want me just as much as I them. Well now its just me and I see no one will come to step forward. So I’ll fling my self over the edge and into adventure. I want people to stop seeing me as weak and unworthy. I’m ready to prove them wrong. I alone only know what I can do. Nobody will ever know everything I’ve been through and darling im fucking dauntless.
All I wanted was a gentleman, someone that would never leave me especially for someone else. I wanted the kisses and all the little tiny surprises even the ones that came late at night. But in particular the kisses that’s what did me in.
-Things I will never say to the men no boys that left me #1
"I want to see you breathless," he tells her, "I want you on the floor, against the wall, in various shades of desperation."
"And I want you raw and open, before you learnt what it was to build walls."
"Show me the parts of you you daren’t show anyone." He whispers. "Show me everything."” – Excerpt from a book I’ll never write #59 (via blossomfully)